1 "" (0) 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.446 Just a reminder that. 2 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:00:02.446 --> 00:00:21.260 Today's session also has a learner guide, which is available, um, on the event page for today's session and we'll be sure to post that link. And this learner guide is really a way to bring additional learning to this topic, which is great after you get inspired and think about some of the things. 3 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:00:21.260 --> 00:00:41.260 That Rebecca has to offer is to think about how you can extend this work, take another step, uh, increase the motivation and set some goals for the work that you'd like to continue. I am very excited today to be welcoming our presenter. Rebecca Cummings, who is the interim director of digital matters? 4 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:00:41.260 --> 00:01:01.260 At the University of Utah, Mary, Mary library. Rebecca, thank you so much for joining us today. We're really looking forward to hearing your presentation and getting some great insights. I'm excited. I've already had a little sneak peek at the content, so I'm looking forward to being able to share this with everyone as well. Welcome. 5 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:01:01.260 --> 00:01:03.635 Thank you. 6 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:01:03.635 --> 00:01:10.830 So much Kendra, I so appreciate that warm introduction and I so appreciate everyone being here, especially on what looks like. 7 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:01:10.830 --> 00:01:30.830 Really nice sunny days in most of the places that you're at. So, like, Kendra just said, I'm Rebecca Cummings. I'm the interim director of digital matters at the Jay Willard Marriott library at the University of Utah and as you can see on my slide here the title of my talk for today is leadership strategies for building connection and diffusing difficult situations. 8 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:01:30.830 --> 00:01:48.240 We are going to talk about empathetic curiosity, lead leadership that starts from a place of assuming good intent that starts from a place of assuming that the people that you're talking to are good and kind and generous and loving and that they want to do the right thing. 9 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:01:48.240 --> 00:02:07.770 We're going to talk about broadening the frames through which you see the world and making the intentional effort to filter situations through a most generous interpretation. And then, lastly, we're going to talk briefly about some specific communication strategies that you can use in your library to build trust and hopefully cooperation. 10 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:02:07.770 --> 00:02:15.510 But before we dive into all that, I want to talk for just a little bit about how I came to this topic. 11 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:02:15.510 --> 00:02:35.510 The last year I was a guest on Adrian wars is library leadership podcast if you don't listen to the podcast I highly recommend it. It's a great way to stay up to date on various things happening in the library world. But if you do listen to the podcast, you might know that 1 of the questions that Adrian always asks her guests is, do you have any favorite management or leadership? 12 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:02:35.510 --> 00:02:44.250 Books, and why, and for some reason that seemingly innocuous question really gave me a moment of pause. 13 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:02:44.250 --> 00:03:02.010 And it didn't have to, because I really have read plenty of management and leadership books I would have loved talking about Renee Brown's dare to lead atomic habits, radical candor, maybe shackletons way or crucial conversations. And, of course, I've learned a lot from all of those various books. 14 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:03:02.010 --> 00:03:22.010 But did you ever have an idea pop into your head and, you know, in that moment, that's like the most true thing you can say in that situation I knew in my heart that as good as all of those books were, they were not the books that most shaped my leadership style, and the reason for that is that long before I ever manage people in a library setting. 15 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:03:22.010 --> 00:03:28.350 I had been leading and managing in a different capacity for 15 years and that leadership role. 16 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:03:28.350 --> 00:03:38.100 As you might have guessed was as a parent, it was as a parent, and not as a library manager where I learned the essential skills of acknowledging feelings. 17 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:03:38.100 --> 00:03:56.340 Seeing behavior as a window investing in connections that I could draw from later when it was time to make a request, or have a difficult conversation asking questions and staying curious longer and learning how to draw and enforce boundaries to help other people to build autonomy. 18 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:03:56.340 --> 00:03:59.880 But the 2nd, I had that thought. 19 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:03:59.880 --> 00:04:12.180 I kind of felt in myself this hesitation to tell Adrian that the book that most influenced my management style was were books, like how to talk. So, kids will listen and listen. So kids will talk. 20 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:04:12.180 --> 00:04:22.170 It just sounded so deeply unserious and I also started to worry that it might sound a little bit insulting to some of my colleagues and my students in. 21 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:04:22.170 --> 00:04:32.549 They're not children I do work with a lot of freshmen so some of them were kids, like 10 minutes ago, but by and large, we are talking about adults with fully formed prefrontal cortex. 22 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:04:32.549 --> 00:04:45.779 Now, I'm a big Y person, so I started to get curious about why this didn't feel like an acceptable answer. And I think the reason for that is that there are very specific images that come into our head when we tend to think about leaders. 23 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:04:45.779 --> 00:04:55.319 Maybe, when you think about a leader, the 1st thing that comes to head is someone in, like, a dark, serious business suit, like a tough take no prisoner negotiator. 24 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:04:55.319 --> 00:05:13.169 Or, maybe, when you think about leadership, you think about your favorite coach I grew up in Southern California where John wooden was the famed UCLA basketball coach, and was kind of the paradigm of leadership. I haven't had his like, pyramid of success framed and hanging up in my bedroom when I was a teenager. 25 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:05:13.169 --> 00:05:23.639 Or, maybe, when you think about a leader, what comes to mind is someone more like a politician, a governor, a president legislator, a decision maker. 26 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:05:23.639 --> 00:05:32.039 I think what's less likely to come into our minds when we think of leader or manager is something that looks like this. 27 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:05:32.039 --> 00:05:37.799 Or this for this. 28 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:05:37.799 --> 00:05:59.179 We're going to look at leadership from a different perspective today. 1, that is informed by the evidence based research and practice of caregiving and I'm going to speak to my own experiences, transferring these skills that I learned often unknowingly into my work as a library manager and a library advocate. Now, I believe these skills are not. 29 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:05:59.179 --> 00:06:11.309 Not only essential in strengthening our organizational cultures, but in doing our small part to resist the cynicism and the divisiveness and the polarization that is so prevalent in our culture today. 30 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:06:11.309 --> 00:06:18.899 Now, is it exactly the same like, Dee escalating a 3 year old tantrum as it is? Maybe. 31 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:06:18.899 --> 00:06:23.159 Motivating and underperforming employee or calming an irate patron. 32 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:06:23.159 --> 00:06:31.199 Not exactly, but in my experience, it's not as different as people would think it as either. And the reason for that is. 33 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:06:31.199 --> 00:06:35.969 In the famous words of Depeche mode, because people are people. 34 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:06:35.969 --> 00:06:46.559 Whether we are 9 or 90, we want to be seen and heard and acknowledged and appreciated. We want to know that our struggles are real. 35 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:06:46.559 --> 00:07:06.089 And that we are understood and understandable and whether or not, we admit it, we all appreciate reasonable boundaries and we crave the comfort and security of sturdy leadership and accountability. I see my role as a leader as 1 of building trust and connection and helping other people to see and meet their potential. 36 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:07:06.089 --> 00:07:16.559 Which really brings us to the heart of our talk today and that is building the intentional cognitive shift. The habit. 37 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:07:16.559 --> 00:07:36.559 Of seeing people as good inside. Now, this was a strategy that was introduced to me by Dr Becky Kennedy. She's a clinical psychologist who works with parents and families. Good. Inside, as I said on the opening slide is the belief that at their core people really are good and loving and compassionate and generous and that they want to do the right thing. Now. 38 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:07:36.559 --> 00:07:47.069 Sometimes, as you might imagine, this mindset is really easy to believe when people are acting in accordance with all of those values. And other times it's really hard. 39 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:07:47.069 --> 00:08:00.059 But I am here today to convince you that, that is when adopting this strategy matters, the most that mom who lets her kids run wild at story time, or even leaves them unattended in your library completely. 40 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:08:00.059 --> 00:08:07.169 Good inside that employee who shows up late and hasn't really been performing up to standards. 41 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:08:07.169 --> 00:08:20.249 Good inside, and this 1 is going to be tough for a lot of us, but that patron who has submitted 30 book challenges to your library collection, and is draining the time and attention and morale of your staff. 42 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:08:20.249 --> 00:08:40.249 Good insight now, let me be clear before we go any further at all believing that people are good inside does not excuse bad behavior. It doesn't make you a permissive manager or mean that you work in, in anything goes library. Not at all. In fact, is we're going to talk about later the opposite actually tends to be. 43 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:08:40.249 --> 00:08:48.899 True because it allows you to stay calm and focused on solving the problem at hand. Instead of treating the person is if they are the problem to be solved. 44 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:08:48.899 --> 00:08:54.659 It is so easy and yes it's even natural to treat people as threats. 45 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:08:54.659 --> 00:09:14.659 Especially when they disagree with us inconvenience us, or make our lives more difficult in some way our brains just love to sort and categorize things whether it be separating spoons from forks fiction from nonfiction or good people from bad people. And you pair that with our natural negativity bias. 46 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:09:14.659 --> 00:09:23.699 Our love of certainty and a device of culture that doesn't exactly encourage you to think charitable about people who think differently from you. 47 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:09:23.699 --> 00:09:29.699 And seeing people as good inside, starts to sound a little quaint, or honestly. 48 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:09:29.699 --> 00:09:35.249 Maybe even a little delusional, but I believe nothing could be further from the truth. 49 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:09:35.249 --> 00:09:43.769 Let's just think for a moment about all the dominoes that fall inside of your body in moments of conflict and challenge. 50 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:09:43.769 --> 00:09:50.999 Cortisol floods through your body, your medulla shuts down your blood pressure and your heart rate. Go up. 51 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:09:50.999 --> 00:10:05.999 Blood rushes away from your brain to the larger muscles in your body, your body goes into fight or flight mode now, despite any previous commitments that you might have to giving people the benefit of the doubt your body reacts to that person. As if they are a threat. 52 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:10:05.999 --> 00:10:09.749 Now, I ask you in those moments. 53 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:10:09.749 --> 00:10:15.119 Does it increase your curiosity about why they might be behaving the way that they are. 54 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:10:15.119 --> 00:10:24.299 Does it help you to put your anger and frustration in the back seat so that you can get to the hard work of actually understanding and solving the problem. 55 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:10:24.299 --> 00:10:39.269 And how do you think it changes their reaction towards you? People reflect what we show them? And when people sense, their internal goodness is under attack, they will respond respond with defensiveness and hostility. 56 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:10:39.269 --> 00:10:49.949 Now, let's go ahead and just alter this situation slightly and think for a 2nd, about the changes that happen both in yourself and the world around, you. 57 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:10:49.949 --> 00:11:08.489 When you have trained your mind to react to stress by seeing the other person as good inside. Now, picture yourself again in that stressful moment that is bringing up the fight or flight response. Maybe someone said something rude to you or something that you vehemently disagree with or something that you just flat out know is wrong. 58 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:08.489 --> 00:11:13.619 Instead of responding in frustration or annoyance or anger. 59 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:13.619 --> 00:11:16.679 You manage to slow down. 60 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:16.679 --> 00:11:28.139 Take a deep breath and you remind yourself that the behave that, behind that behavior, you're seeing is a person who's good inside that just like, you. 61 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:28.139 --> 00:11:33.179 They want to be treated with dignity and respect that. They aren't a bad person. 62 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:33.179 --> 00:11:36.209 But a good person, having a hard time. 63 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:36.209 --> 00:11:42.689 Good inside is an emotion regulation technique that allows you to. 64 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:42.689 --> 00:11:52.949 Stay curious and ask more questions it allows you to separate behavior what someone is doing in that moment from identity, or who they are as a person. 65 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:11:52.949 --> 00:12:00.659 It allows you to intervene differently with a growth mindset that genuinely believes that people can do better once they know better. 66 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:00.659 --> 00:12:04.769 It allows you to search for common ground and shared humanity. 67 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:04.769 --> 00:12:09.959 And if you can manage to turn that good inside lens back on yourself. 68 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:09.959 --> 00:12:13.139 It allows you to be kinder to yourself and others. 69 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:13.139 --> 00:12:23.309 Now, I'm sure there are at least a few of you out there who are thinking, like, well, I think most people are good. 70 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:23.309 --> 00:12:42.479 But some people are actually terrible and this was a critique I received very early on when I was sort of like, work shopping. The idea of this talk with my friend, Anna, who is hilariously cynical. I told her I was thinking about doing a talk on, like, this good inside principle to which she responded. Like, no, people are terrible. 71 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:42.479 --> 00:12:53.189 And Anna is super smart, and she's 1 of my best friends, and I trust her. So I really wanted to give that critique sometime. So, after thinking about it, a lot here is where I've landed on this criticism. 72 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:12:53.189 --> 00:13:13.189 In my calmer, more reflective moments, I genuinely believe that every person is worthy of love and dignity and respect and whether or not, they extend it to me. I want to try and extend it to them, but I also know how hard it is to remember that in moments of conflict. 73 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:13:13.189 --> 00:13:27.479 Cleaning myself to respond to that conflict by thinking good inside. Good inside in those moments of stress has allowed me to be more present and more generous. It kind of helps me walk through the world a little closer to the person. I would like to be. 74 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:13:27.479 --> 00:13:38.639 So, in short, I guess, whether you think good inside is true, because it's true or true, because it's useful. The practice of good inside pays dividends either way. 75 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:53.549 I want to talk a little bit about what this looks like in practice. So, for the past 5 years, I've served as advocacy Co, chair of the Utah Library Association, working with our elected officials on library funding and library issues. 76 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:13:53.549 --> 00:13:58.229 Now, for better or worse, that work sometimes puts me into contact with people. 77 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:13:58.229 --> 00:14:07.739 Who may not C, library is essential who may not understand the work that we do or who might even think we are actively distributing inappropriate material to children. 78 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:14:07.739 --> 00:14:22.859 In contrast to that, I am a library person through and through, I believe in our mission I see this is a force for good in the world. I believe that libraries are 1 of the safest places that people can be and I deeply believe in the freedom to read. 79 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:14:22.859 --> 00:14:26.459 So, these beliefs might put me at odds. 80 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:14:26.459 --> 00:14:30.179 With people who feel differently. Sorry let me get a little water. 81 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:14:35.459 --> 00:14:42.209 Last February, the Utah Library association was Co, hosting an event at the Utah state capital. 82 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:14:42.209 --> 00:14:50.309 God, let you read. It was a wonderful event. We ended up bringing out more than 200 people to the rotunda of the state capital. 83 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:14:50.309 --> 00:15:00.869 We had a ton of fantastic speakers people like Shannon hail and Erica Sanchez, and it really wasn't in opposition to any particular bill. It was simply a celebration of a reading. 84 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:00.869 --> 00:15:09.509 But at 1 point, in the evening, I saw a woman that was kind of hanging off to the side Sheila kind of tense and not really happy to be there. 85 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:09.509 --> 00:15:29.509 So, I went over as 1 of the hosts to go talk to her. And within seconds she was talking about how libraries aren't what they used to be, how librarians have a liberal agenda and how we're pushing pornography and X rated material on children. And, of course, like, I'm sure most of you would I started to feel in myself this visceral. 86 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:29.509 --> 00:15:37.349 Section a knew that she was misinformed and I know her beliefs have a detrimental effect on libraries. 87 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:37.349 --> 00:15:43.889 But in that moment, I genuinely tried to force myself to listen and to stay present. 88 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:43.889 --> 00:15:49.979 To not just listen to her words, but try and connect with the fear and concern underneath her words. 89 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:49.979 --> 00:15:55.019 I did believe that, like me, she cares deeply about the safety of children. 90 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:15:55.019 --> 00:16:15.019 I mean, I have 3 kids and it is a really hard time to raise kids. Right now and while I don't spend 3rd of my life worrying about the kind of books that they're finding in their, their school libraries. I spend a lot of time worrying about what they're finding on YouTube and tick talk and Instagram and all kinds of social media and. 91 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:16:15.019 --> 00:16:35.639 The Internet writ large I also believe she could be responding from a place of personal trauma. I think it's probably quite likely that she's taking in a constant stream of misinformation based off algorithms that are literally designed to keep her outraged and to capture her attention to keep her clicking and scrolling for profit. 92 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:16:35.639 --> 00:16:55.639 So, in that moment, I listened to her, I allowed myself to acknowledge her humanity. I let her know that, like, her libraries cared deeply about the safety of children, and that we have policies in place for reconsideration of our library materials. I thanked her for coming and I gave her my contact information in case she ever wanted to talk about. 93 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:16:55.639 --> 00:17:06.689 Every policies and library values in that moment, adopting a good inside philosophy, allowed me to stay calm and empathetic and to try to find the shared points of common humanity. 94 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:17:06.689 --> 00:17:13.199 And it, let me keep the door open in case she ever wanted to continue the conversation down the road. 95 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:17:13.199 --> 00:17:31.649 So 1 of my personal heroes in this space is Loretta Ross, Loretta Ross, in case, you're not familiar with her has been a women's rights advocate for decades, working with survivors of rape and P and also people who are leaving the hate movement. Now. 96 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:17:31.649 --> 00:17:42.179 Besides her work, advancing women's rights, what Loretta has become known for is the idea of advancing a calling in culture that stands in opposition to a calling out culture. 97 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:17:42.179 --> 00:18:02.179 And we all know what a call out is, it's the act of publicly shaming or canceling a person for behavior deemed unacceptable. Now, in contrast to that, a colon is simply a call out done with love and respect and preferably done off line. It's having the ability to say difficult things. 98 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:18:02.179 --> 00:18:06.119 While respecting people's humanity and giving them the benefit of the doubt. 99 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:26.119 So, why is Loretta in particular, so committed to doing this work and trying to see the good and everyone and in her words, it's because over her several decades of activism and advocacy, she has worked with people that we would deem the worst of the worst in society as a black woman, she has worked with members of the Klu Klux. 100 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:46.119 Plan helping them exit, hate movements and re, enter society and 1 of the most powerful stories I've ever heard Loretta talk about was from several decades ago when she was serving as the executive director of the D. C rate crisis center. She was only 25 years old and she herself was a survivor of rape and incest and. 101 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:52.559 In 1 day on her on her desk arrived a letter from a man named William Fuller, who was. 102 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:18:52.559 --> 00:18:59.849 Serving a lifetime sentence in a nearby federal penitentiary. So she opened the letter and what it said was. 103 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:18:59.849 --> 00:19:04.799 I raped people outside of prison. I reached people inside a prison. 104 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:07.949 I don't want to do this anymore. Can you help me. 105 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:19:07.949 --> 00:19:29.179 And this 1 was tough for Loretta. She actually said that she had to let that letter simmer on her soul for the next 6 months. Apparently, William Fuller in his long time in in prison. He was convicted with a life sentence at 18. and at this point, he was 35 years old. Apparently he had come across some literature in his. 106 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:19:29.179 --> 00:19:36.359 Is a library that started to raise his consciousness that made him think that maybe there was a different way he could be in the world. 107 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:19:36.359 --> 00:19:45.419 So, Laura sat with that letter, she talked to the other staff members of the D. C rape crisis center and 6 months later, she got back to him and said. 108 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:19:45.419 --> 00:20:05.419 Here's the deal. We're not writing you a parole letter. We're not smuggling you cigarettes, but if you're serious about wanting to learn more about feminist thought and rape culture, we will come and lead a reading group with you every Friday afternoon. And for the next 3 years. That's what she did. She and her staff members would go down. 109 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:20:05.419 --> 00:20:21.059 There every Friday to a group that they called prisoners against rape, and in that time she introduced them to black feminist literature from Audra Lord and Angela Davis and bell hooks and working closely with these men and having these discussions over the years. 110 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:20:21.059 --> 00:20:34.679 Something she came to realize is that most of them were abused and assaulted and neglected as children as well that they were not only the perpetrators of these terrible crimes that the victims as well. 111 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:20:34.679 --> 00:20:46.919 And that, in loretta's words, by getting to know them, it was really hard to hate them. It was easy to hate the things they did, but hard to hate them as people. It is easy to call people out on Twitter. 112 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:20:46.919 --> 00:20:51.959 It is hard to heat up. Close. People are people. 113 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:20:51.959 --> 00:20:59.489 Now, before we move on to the next section of this presentation. 114 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:20:59.489 --> 00:21:05.789 I want to share an assumption that I have about you. I believe that you are good inside. 115 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:05.789 --> 00:21:10.349 I believe you are worthy I believe you are loved. 116 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:10.349 --> 00:21:30.349 I believe you are never too much and that you are always enough, I think, even when you lose your temper or say the wrong thing, or slam a door or act against your values, that you are not a bad person. But a good person, having a hard time, I'm going to ask you all to do something and maybe it's a little easier cause we're all on zoom. Instead of. 117 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:30.349 --> 00:21:33.569 Sitting in a conference room or something together. 118 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:33.569 --> 00:21:41.969 But I want you to go ahead. I want you to maybe ground your feet down into the floor and put your hands in your lap and take a deep breath. 119 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:41.969 --> 00:21:49.709 And I'm going to ask you to pull in your mind a time that you did something. 120 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:49.709 --> 00:21:55.679 That you really want proud of maybe it was a time that you yelled at someone. 121 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:21:55.679 --> 00:22:10.439 Maybe it was a time that you slammed the door. Maybe it was the time you made a bad management decision that you beat yourself self up about later. Maybe you found yourself gossiping about a colleague, just something that you wish you could do differently in the future. 122 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:10.439 --> 00:22:15.839 Now, I want you to put your hand over your heart and say. 123 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:20.339 I am a good person who, and then fill in the blank. 124 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:20.339 --> 00:22:25.079 I am a good person who yelled. 125 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:25.079 --> 00:22:28.679 I am a good person who slammed the door. 126 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:28.679 --> 00:22:32.399 I am a good person who made a mistake. 127 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:32.399 --> 00:22:36.179 I am a good person who will do better next time. 128 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:36.179 --> 00:22:50.369 So, you can go ahead and open your eyes if you were participating and if not that's totally fine. Um, but I just want to ask you the way that you just spoke to yourself in that moment. 129 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:50.369 --> 00:22:56.999 How might it be different than the way that you talk to yourself on that day? When that thing happened? 130 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:22:56.999 --> 00:23:05.849 And the next time you do something that you wish you didn't do as you inevitably will because we're all human. I hope that you take a 2nd, just to remind yourself. 131 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:23:05.849 --> 00:23:10.889 That you are not a bad person, but a good person, having a hard time. 132 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:23:10.889 --> 00:23:23.669 Okay, so we're going to shift gears now and talk about another mindset that I learned from Dr, Becky Kennedy and that is the idea of a most generous interpretation. 133 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:23:23.669 --> 00:23:34.229 A, most generous interpretation really starts by having the humility to know what you don't know. And to ask yourself relentlessly what am I missing? 134 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:23:34.229 --> 00:23:37.739 We are natural storytellers. 135 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:23:37.739 --> 00:23:48.839 And I love that about us who doesn't love a good story but in real life, the stories that we tell ourselves can be harmful and they can color the way that we see the world. 136 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:23:48.839 --> 00:24:08.839 Let's just we'll do a really relatable example. Let's see. For a 2nd, that you get cut off on the freeway and someone starts speeding away. I think for so many of us, the inclination is just to say that person is a jerk, but in reality, like, you don't know anything about what's happening in that car, you know, other things you can say that was really dangerous. 137 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:24:08.839 --> 00:24:30.319 Or that really scared me, but the reality is what's happening over there. You don't know. I mean, what, if, for example, that person is rushing their wife to the hospital to have a baby. Maybe they're having the worst day of their life for some reason, and just not paying attention. All of these things are stories we're telling ourselves and we are always free to tell ourselves a different story. 138 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:34.139 Why not reach for the most generous interpretation you can. 139 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:24:34.139 --> 00:24:42.479 Or you can just try and stay humble and recognize that you don't know what's going on. As Adam Grant said in his book. Think again. 140 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:24:42.479 --> 00:24:47.639 If knowledge is power knowing what you don't know is wisdom. 141 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:24:47.639 --> 00:24:56.189 Okay, I just want you all to maybe consider for a 2nd, the image that we're looking at here. 142 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:24:56.189 --> 00:25:09.299 These calls are sick why? And if you're willing to play along again, please feel free and put your answer in the chat. I would love to hear your the 1st thought that pops into your head. It doesn't even have to be a good answer. Just. 143 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:09.299 --> 00:25:14.399 Why are these cows sick aliens? I love it. Constipated. Why not? 144 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:14.399 --> 00:25:19.589 I was actually practicing this talk a few days ago, and my 8 year old walked by and said. 145 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:19.589 --> 00:25:23.039 That graph is poisoned that was heard that was her. 1st thought. 146 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:23.039 --> 00:25:26.819 Yes, to come grass you're like Harper. 147 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:26.819 --> 00:25:34.019 Oh, this a skeptic, how do we even know they're sick? Sad no library loans left. Their Libby holds are up. 148 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:34.019 --> 00:25:38.759 Tapeworms bad grass? Yes. Yes. 149 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:38.759 --> 00:25:44.159 Okay, this is great. Thank you so much. These are their friends are too far away. 150 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:44.159 --> 00:25:48.059 Oh, this is so good. 151 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:48.059 --> 00:25:54.299 Hypochondriacs maybe they're always sick. Okay, this is fantastic. Thank you so much for playing along. 152 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:25:54.299 --> 00:26:14.299 Okay, I just want to talk for a 2nd, a 2nd, about where some of our initial assumptions come from. Maybe, as you looked at that picture, you're drawing upon previous experience that you have working on farms or working with cows. Maybe, you're just going off clues that you're trying to find in the picture. 153 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:26:14.299 --> 00:26:30.209 Maybe, you're just appealing to authority Rebecca said, so, maybe they're actually not sick at all like that. 1 person said, maybe you have media influence, kind of seeping into your thoughts mad cow, equal eye, poor, poor animal care. 154 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:26:30.209 --> 00:26:35.939 Maybe you've read a book about cows or the environment climate change food production. 155 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:26:35.939 --> 00:26:41.249 Maybe you have specialized knowledge about water sources and problems. 156 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:26:41.249 --> 00:26:56.339 Maybe you're anthropomorphic sizing, there's so few cows. Maybe they're depressed or like the person in chat who wishes they were closer together. I wonder sometimes if we're putting our own feelings on it, like, maybe we want people around. Maybe we don't and we might. 157 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:26:56.339 --> 00:27:05.669 Project that onto our cows, maybe you're engaged in conspiratorial thinking like that. Grass looks too green. Something fishy must be going on. 158 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:27:08.759 --> 00:27:13.889 How do your assumptions change when we pull back and have a fuller frame? 159 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:27:13.889 --> 00:27:19.709 Does the presence of power plants may be now change or refine some of your guesses. 160 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:27:19.709 --> 00:27:27.329 Sure, of course, because you're operating off a little more information. We can't be sure we have the answers, but. 161 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:27:27.329 --> 00:27:37.619 It gives us a little bit of a different view. Let's talk for a 2nd, about some of the frames through which we filter the world. 162 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:27:37.619 --> 00:27:57.619 We filter information through a variety of frames our cultural frames. Our life experiences are traumas. Last year. I was fortunate enough to take a really incredible workshop from doctor. Karen towel. It was a multicultural orientation workshop and 1 of the things that she encouraged us to do. 163 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:27:57.619 --> 00:28:05.339 Was to write down some of our own filters to think about some of the things that we may be are looking at when we're viewing and interpreting the world. 164 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:28:05.339 --> 00:28:14.939 And this is a little embarrassing to share here, but I'm going to do it. So, these were the frames that I came up with. I said that I was white and European ancestry. 165 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:28:14.939 --> 00:28:33.449 I grew up in Venice, California, which is a really interesting place to grow up. I grew up in a conservative family in a super liberal city, and I think that tension has maybe always shaped. Um, maybe the way it's hard for me to kind of demonize people on other sides of the political aisle because I've loved people from both my whole life. 166 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:28:33.449 --> 00:28:37.349 I am a librarian in a voracious reader and. 167 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:28:37.349 --> 00:28:44.849 I think sometimes people are surprised to hear. I dropped out of college my junior year, and I was a snowboard bum for a few years in Mammoth lakes, California. 168 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:28:44.849 --> 00:29:04.849 But maybe that also kind of influences the way I talk to my students when they're talking about their plans to maybe take a break, knowing they might come back and finish their education the way that I did I'm a mother of 3 children, and I'm an autism mom, and there is no doubt that change the changes the way that I interact with the world. Oftentimes. 169 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:29:04.849 --> 00:29:18.599 When someone isn't making eye contact, or maybe they're seemingly being rude. I never actually assume that they are being rude. I kind of shrugged my shoulders and say, I wonder if it's Neuro divergence issue. I'm Presbyterian. I'm a dog mom. 170 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:29:18.599 --> 00:29:37.589 I've had at least 8 surgeries in my life. I had a really happy childhood, and there's no doubt that affects my ability to see the world as a fundamentally good place. I'm married, I'm liberal leaning, and there are literally hundreds of frames that I could probably apply here that change the way. 171 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:29:37.589 --> 00:29:57.509 You know, that I see the world now, when we finish these frames Dr. tau actually encouraged us to think about what's not on our frames. What are we not thinking about it didn't even occur to me to talk about the fact that I was straight or able bodied because when our cultural frames align with the dominant culture. 172 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:29:57.509 --> 00:30:17.509 They often become invisible to us, but they are our frames. None the less. Now, if we were all together today, I would love to, like, sit and have you all fill out your frames. But unfortunately we don't have the time to do that. But I did include the learner guide that has, um, a section where you can kind of play with this and think about, you know, reflect on your frames. And. 173 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:30:17.509 --> 00:30:21.899 About how they might influence the way that you view and interpret the world. 174 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:30:21.899 --> 00:30:44.749 Part of adopting a most generous interpretation is accepting the fact that in any given situation 2 or more seemingly oppositional things can be true. Well, this is a concept called multiplicity and according to a lot of psychiatrists or psychologists, this is 1 of the keys to long term mental health. Now, for example. 175 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:30:44.749 --> 00:30:51.029 I can never know your full experience or be able to see the world exactly through your frames. 176 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:30:51.029 --> 00:30:54.299 And I will always try. 177 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:30:54.299 --> 00:30:58.769 And there are so many points of shared humanity. 178 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:31:02.459 --> 00:31:22.459 So, we are now moving into the final 3rd of this presentation and I sort of think of it as sacred ground the aforementioned how to talk. So, kids will listen and listen. So, kids will talk. So, I read this book when my son was 9 years old, and he had just received his autism diagnosis. I always thought it was more of a metaphor. 179 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:31:22.459 --> 00:31:31.529 When people say, they get so frustrated a, a book, they throw it against the wall and this is the only book I can remember that. I literally threw against the wall. 180 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:31:31.529 --> 00:31:48.929 It was just so frustrating to see on paper in black and white all the ways. I hadn't been communicating effectively with my son. Now I grew up in a culture that was steeped in respect and compliance and this book challenged a lot of my assumptions. 181 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:31:48.929 --> 00:31:59.459 But autism therapist told me I had to read it cover to cover, and I am nothing if not a gold star grade grubbers. So I, there was no way I wasn't going to finish this book before our next session. 182 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:31:59.459 --> 00:32:04.409 So, I read it and then I read it again. 183 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:32:04.409 --> 00:32:17.249 And then I read it again, and I started highlighting and underlining everything that was resonating with me. And as I started putting some of the principals into practice, I really something kind of startling. 184 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:32:17.249 --> 00:32:37.249 It was working, like, not 100% of the time, because nothing is ever going to work 100% of the time but I could feel that I was becoming a better listener and that I finally had a plan for engaging cooperation that didn't include threats and shame and power struggles now the idea. 185 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:32:37.249 --> 00:32:54.539 We're going to ideas we're going to talk about over the next few slides do mostly come from the research in this book, but I will take credit for the acronym of what we're going to be covering, which is called I'm calling facts fully present acknowledging feelings staying curious longer and tag teaming solutions from the same side. 186 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:32:58.019 --> 00:33:03.449 So, 1st step being fully present when someone in front of you is struggling. 187 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:33:03.449 --> 00:33:09.869 Listening without interrupting, not imposing your frames on the conversation. 188 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:33:09.869 --> 00:33:18.239 Listening with almost almost silent attention with the intent to understand not with the intent to reply. 189 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:33:18.239 --> 00:33:26.759 Now, I truly believe it has probably never been more difficult in the history of mankind to listen and be fully present. 190 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:33:26.759 --> 00:33:40.469 We all know that we are swimming in distraction, beeps and buzzing and notifications and 18 different ways for someone to get a hold of you at any hour of the day. Presence is a really difficult skill to develop. 191 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:33:40.469 --> 00:34:00.469 And obviously, it's not just librarians, I actually bet on average, we are better than most, but research shows, for example, on average that patients and doctor's offices get about 11 seconds to explain the reason for their visit before they're interrupted by their doctors and only 1 and 3 doctors provide their patients with an adequate. 192 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:00.469 --> 00:34:04.289 To ever describe what fully brought them into the office that day. 193 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:04.289 --> 00:34:13.379 In general people are just not all that great at listening and not only does that impede our ability to understand and connect. 194 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:13.379 --> 00:34:22.499 It affects our ability to work with them to actually solve the problem and to help people even move through their feeling so that they're ready to solve the problem. 195 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:22.499 --> 00:34:36.959 Okay, so what's next you resisted the urge to interrupt to let your mind wander to make judgments or to formulate your response this is like, Herculean. And you should be so proud of yourself. 196 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:36.959 --> 00:34:41.369 But now the person in front of you seems ready for a response. So, what's next? 197 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:41.369 --> 00:34:52.979 According to our book, what is next is acknowledging feelings now this is talked about so much it's become almost cliche, but as much as we talk about it. 198 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:34:52.979 --> 00:35:12.979 We don't often do it. It just seems to be human nature to want to rush past the hard uncomfortable feelings, and go back to being fine but people aren't fine all the time. And that is, okay, it was a long and uncomfortable road for me to be to learn to be okay with hard emotion like sadness and anger. 199 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:12.979 --> 00:35:20.399 When i1st read how to talk so kids will listen, I started to become keenly aware of the way that we often talk to kids. 200 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:20.399 --> 00:35:24.239 Like, you hear people say some version of it's okay. 201 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:24.239 --> 00:35:28.559 You're fine don't cry. That wasn't so bad. 202 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:28.559 --> 00:35:31.799 That didn't even hurt. That wasn't even scary. 203 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:31.799 --> 00:35:38.099 You don't hate your brother you can't be tired. You just took a nap. You can't be hungry, you just ate. 204 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:38.099 --> 00:35:42.419 If you start paying close attention to the way that we often talk to kids. 205 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:42.419 --> 00:35:57.419 We are basically constantly telling them you don't think what you think, you don't feel what you feel. You don't know what, you know, and then we wonder why we get locked into power struggles with them while they're trying to prove their realness. 206 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:35:57.419 --> 00:36:08.819 There are 3 simple sentences that I keep in my back pocket when my students and employees come to me with hard situations. 207 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:08.819 --> 00:36:12.569 I am so glad you're talking to me about this. 208 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:12.569 --> 00:36:16.979 That sounds really hard. I believe, you. 209 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:16.979 --> 00:36:36.979 And please note by saying, I believe, you, it doesn't mean, you agree with them, or that they're right if their, if their view of the situation is narrow, yours is even more narrow and you may not know what's going on you are just acknowledging feelings at this point whether or not the problem is real, or it's just a story that they're telling them. 210 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:36.979 --> 00:36:42.299 Selves or a misunderstanding their feelings about the situation are real. 211 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:42.299 --> 00:36:46.199 And when it comes to feelings, all feelings are valid. 212 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:46.199 --> 00:36:51.899 All behavior is not okay. Okay. 213 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:51.899 --> 00:36:55.829 So, up next, staying curious, longer. 214 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:55.829 --> 00:36:59.969 So, when people come to us. 215 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:36:59.969 --> 00:37:10.619 It's so hard to sit and listen to their problem and understand it and acknowledge their feelings. I think by the time we get to this point, we kind of feel like, okay, finally we can give them advice. 216 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:37:10.619 --> 00:37:18.539 And obviously, sometimes you can, if someone is coming to you looking for printer paper, and, you know where the printer paper is. 217 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:37:18.539 --> 00:37:38.539 You go ahead and tell them, but often times when people come to you with more complex problems, the right leadership strategy is to stay curious, longer and avoid rushing to advice or solutions. And by the way in my library, there is a little buzzing happening out there. I am so sorry, if that's annoying to any of you on here. Hopefully it's. 218 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:37:38.539 --> 00:37:50.699 Stops in just a 2nd, but let's go ahead and talk more about staying curious longer because there are at least 3 reasons I can think of why it's really important to stay curious longer and ask questions. 219 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:37:50.699 --> 00:38:11.749 For 1, it's likely that you don't fully understand the problem again if their frame is limited by the situation, yours is even more limited a situation. You may not be a part of in negotiation classes. There is a famous example that professors love to use of 2 people who are baking and working side by side in the kitchen and they. 220 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:38:11.749 --> 00:38:23.160 Both realize that the exact same time that they need an orange, but there's only 1 orange left in the kitchen and they quickly decide if they both need an orange. And there's only 1 they should just split it because that's the best. 221 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:38:23.160 --> 00:38:42.720 Resolution that they could come to, but in reality 1 of them needed the peel of the orange to make a vest, and the other needed a juice of the orange to do something completely different if they had shared more information, stayed curious, longer and asked better questions. They could have come to a better resolution. 222 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:38:42.720 --> 00:39:02.850 So let's go to the 2nd reason, even when you have a pretty good sense of the problem, that doesn't necessarily mean it's time to give advice the right. Leadership strategy in that moment to be to still be to ask more questions until they come up with their own solution. 223 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:39:02.850 --> 00:39:22.850 When we are quick to give solutions and advice, we actually deprive people of the experience that comes from wrestling with their own problems. And you might be surprised. They might end up having a better idea than you. And even if they don't, it's possible that their idea is the 1 that they're more likely to get behind underneath your guidance. 224 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:39:22.850 --> 00:39:36.660 Now, I said in the beginning, there are 3 reasons to stay curious. The 1st, is to better understand the problem. The 2nd, is to give people the chance to grapple with their own questions longer and come up with their own solutions. And the 3rd reason. 225 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:39:36.660 --> 00:39:49.710 Is because questions build connection in my research team I try really hard to build curiosity into the agenda. So, in 1 way that I try to do this, is that. 226 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:39:49.710 --> 00:40:09.710 We have a weekly meeting, and I have a question of the week and this is something that's actually become pretty popular with my students. 1 week. Our agenda was so big and full that we couldn't. Actually, we didn't have time for the question of the week. And they were like, no, no, no, we want it. We want to do it even if we have to say a few minutes longer. So Here's some examples of questions that I, I might ask for example, and I'm not going to read all of them, but. 227 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:09.710 --> 00:40:19.680 I might ask my students what is something about this semester that excites you and 1 thing that scares you what is 1 thing that you're good at and 1 area where you can improve. 228 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:19.680 --> 00:40:23.760 What would be 1 version of your ideal job in 5 years? 229 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:27.180 What do you see as your biggest fear or impediment to getting there? 230 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:27.180 --> 00:40:30.840 What task on your to do list? Do you keep procrastinating? 231 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:30.840 --> 00:40:34.260 Why does it still does a replace on your to do list? 232 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:34.260 --> 00:40:37.500 Is there a day on your calendar that that scares you right now? 233 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:37.500 --> 00:40:43.290 Is there a David excites you what's on your summer bucket list for fun and for work. 234 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:43.290 --> 00:40:58.710 And then the question I always use for the last week of the semester, because I have a lot of interns and fellows, that kind of come in and out of the lab 1, semester at a time is I ask them what is 1 thing that you can take with you from your time in digital matters and. 235 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:40:58.710 --> 00:41:13.920 You know, the answers to this very a lot, sometimes they they hone in on their research project and say, I'm really excited about my outputs or I learned a new computational method. Sometimes it's more about, like, the friendships they kind of gained along the way or different things they picked up in the lab. 236 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:41:13.920 --> 00:41:18.960 But 1 answer, I got about a year ago from 1 of my postdoctoral fellows. 237 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:23.580 Really again, gave me this moment of pause. She said. 238 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:41:23.580 --> 00:41:29.460 I learned that an academic research team doesn't have to be toxic and abusive. 239 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:41:29.460 --> 00:41:49.460 And not just really well, 2 things kind of hit me 1. I was so sad that that had been her experience that all her 10 years in academia that she felt like, it wasn't supportive and nurturing and wanting to see her, you know, pursue things. That were of interest to her and then the 2nd thing that really struck me is that this. 240 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:41:49.460 --> 00:42:04.770 Person is so brilliant. I mean, she has a PhD in art history. She speaks 7 languages. She can do anything related to data visualization and analysis. Sometimes. I feel like there is absolutely nothing I can teach a student like that. 241 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:42:04.770 --> 00:42:13.440 But if I have taught her how to build an organizational culture of care, that she can then pass on to her future students. 242 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:42:13.440 --> 00:42:20.160 I'll take it, so sometimes. 243 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:42:20.160 --> 00:42:27.360 I am the person who has to come up with solutions or enforce a boundary in my lab and. 244 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:47.360 There's there's 1 strategy I've used, I feel like, is really in line with the good inside philosophy and the how to talk philosophy, and that is tag teaming solutions from the same side. Now, the difference here is really this pivotal shift thinking about it in a positional way. So, rather than thinking of it, as you versus this other person, in moments of. 245 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:57.960 Conflict and challenge thinking about it, like, bringing them around to your side of the table and thinking of it as you and that person working together against the problem. 246 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:42:57.960 --> 00:43:19.610 So this is a recipe that has worked quite well for me in trying to find sustainable problems to solutions, everything from bringing people back into the office after covid, which, I'm sure was challenging for a lot of us or people who were chronically late, trying to think of how again, you can bring them around to your side to solve problems together and. 247 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:43:19.610 --> 00:43:39.610 Here we go, so this is it we start 1st and foremost by understanding and describing the problem together coming up with possible solutions. And sometimes this is even something that we write out thinking about, like, okay, nothing is off the table at this point. We've got a problem, how can we work together to fix it and writing out different solutions? And then we think. 248 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:43:39.610 --> 00:43:52.590 Figure out which of those things we're actually going to try, which we think would be the best chance of success and then we go ahead and try out that solution. And sometimes it doesn't work and we have to iterate and try out a different solution. 249 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:43:52.590 --> 00:43:56.130 And I wanted to add this extra additional step. 250 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:43:56.130 --> 00:43:59.220 Just to acknowledge the fact that. 251 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:43:59.220 --> 00:44:03.750 Not everyone is going to work in your organization. 252 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:44:03.750 --> 00:44:23.750 Sometimes, unfortunately, you may have to let a person go or go a little step further with, you know, trying to bring them back into alignment. But I think, as leaders 1 of our jobs is to protect the functionality of our team. And sometimes that means embodying your authority and making tough decisions. But the key thing here is, even when you have to do those. 253 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:44:23.750 --> 00:44:37.170 Hard things, which I'm sure a lot of us have had to do at no point in the solution. Do you stop treating that person with dignity and respect? And at no point, are you treating them as the problem to be solved instead of focusing on the problem itself? 254 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:44:40.890 --> 00:44:47.130 So, I just want to acknowledge that what we're talking about is really hard like. 255 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:44:47.130 --> 00:45:07.130 Black belt, Ninja level human. I have been trying to do these things for years, incorporating these strategies into my work life into my advocacy into my parenting and I still really only am able to deploy them when I have the patience and the fortitude to live into my values, which is like, maybe half the time. 256 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:45:07.130 --> 00:45:13.920 But it used to be a lot less and hopefully with practice. I keep bumping that number up every year. 257 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:33.570 As James clear says in the book atomic habits, every action you take is a vote for the kind of person you want to become every time you make the effort to see a person as good inside in a moment of conflict, or adopt a most generous interpretation. It's a vote for the kind of person, and the kind of supervisor that you want to be. 258 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:45:33.570 --> 00:45:44.250 And if you blow it, it's okay, people are always going to give you more opportunities to practice being a better listener a better problem solver and a better leader. 259 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:45:47.790 --> 00:45:51.210 So, I have just some final words for us in closing. 260 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:45:51.210 --> 00:46:05.070 Leadership in all of its forms means creating an environment and a culture where people can thrive where you're building trust and connection and helping people to see and meet their potential. 261 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:46:05.070 --> 00:46:18.390 My suggestion is to start by adopting a good inside perspective and considering a most generous interpretation in challenging moments, staying conscious of what you don't know and working to broaden your frames. 262 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:46:18.390 --> 00:46:21.540 Be present acknowledged feelings. 263 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:46:21.540 --> 00:46:29.010 Stay curious longer work together against the problem instead of treating the person as if they are the problem to be solved. 264 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:46:29.010 --> 00:46:36.660 None of us are ever ever going to be perfect in this work and we're never going to nail this 100% of the time. 265 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:46:36.660 --> 00:46:41.880 But it's okay, we're good inside. We can always do better next time. 266 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:46:41.880 --> 00:47:04.040 I want to take a 2nd, just to acknowledge the books that informed the talk for today. We've talked at length about how to talk. So kids will listen and listen. So kids will talk that was just the most influential parenting book I've ever read in my life. Dr, Becky Kennedy's good inside is where I've sort of gleaned the concepts of trying to start from a place. 267 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:47:04.040 --> 00:47:17.700 So, seeing people as good inside and trying to apply a most generous interpretation to different difficult situations and I can't overstate the difference that's made in my life and really trying to grow more patience and understanding with different people. 268 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:47:17.700 --> 00:47:37.700 Monica goodman's I never thought of it that way. Um, it's a wonderful book to learn about dialoguing across difference. Um, if, like, me, you're really terrible at negotiation and you're always the 1st to fold to avoid conflict. I highly recommend Dr Maury to airports, bring yourself how to harness the power of connection to negotiate fearlessly. And then. 269 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:47:37.700 --> 00:47:57.700 Lastly, a lot of what I talked about around staying curious and asking more questions and giving people a chance to grapple with their own problems. A lot of that came or was at least inspired by Michael Bungay stanier the advice trap be humble stay curious and change the way you lead forever. And I didn't want to give a special shout out as well to Dr who led. 270 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:47:57.700 --> 00:48:08.550 Wonderful workshop on multicultural orientation and thinking about your frames and Loretta Ross, who is currently writing a book called calling in and a calling out culture. 271 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:48:08.550 --> 00:48:16.200 And with that, thank you so much for your attention. I think that we can probably go to questions. So. 272 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:48:16.200 --> 00:48:19.939 Let's see Kendra I don't know if we want to turn the slides offer, keep him on. 273 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:48:19.939 --> 00:48:36.210 Either way, it's fine by me. Yeah, we'll we'll keep them up and I will say what is coming through the chat right now is just so much appreciation for your approach and your perspectives and people are finding it very inspiring and, uh, appreciate all of the. 274 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:48:36.210 --> 00:48:56.210 The notes that you have shared and the resources so thank you for those. I also want to say, just like some of my own reflections and looking at it. We definitely saw a lot of folks early on when you were talking about the reminder that good people can do bad things or do something negative and that we all find ourselves in that. 275 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:48:56.210 --> 00:49:16.210 And that we can all just take a moment and give ourselves that grace, give our patrons that grace and that good inside perspective is really something that I think can help ground us in being able to take a moment. Um, so that we can approach our. 276 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:49:16.210 --> 00:49:21.270 Community with intentionality and kindness. Um. 277 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:49:21.270 --> 00:49:35.340 In the face of some really difficult situations. So, you know, we, we find ourselves in in our work lives in our personal lives, you know, in all aspects. And I think that we can really benefit from from taking that beat. 278 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:49:35.340 --> 00:49:39.300 The other thing that occurred to me was. 279 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:49:39.300 --> 00:49:59.300 You know, this session was focused on leadership strategies and I know that today's session included people who work in libraries at all levels. We've got frontline library staff who don't manage anyone. We have library directors, library managers, but we can all be leaders. And I think that. 280 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:49:59.300 --> 00:50:19.300 What you have been sharing is really a way for us, all to think about being problem solvers being creative and supportive colleagues and it's hard, right? Like, it, it is, it's not that it's easy. I mean, it's like, you know, you can put some things on a slide and say, hey, these are things to think about, but that intentionality. Right? Like, how do. 281 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:50:19.300 --> 00:50:25.200 We practice that, and if you have a more, um. 282 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:40.320 Uh, emotional reaction at 1st, it's not too late to come back right and take that take that beat, uh, take a little time. So, 1 of the questions that has come through and let me just pull this up. 283 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:50:40.320 --> 00:50:51.081 Is what do you do when an employee will not come to the table in what you feel is good faith for those conversations that you need to have? How can you help. 284 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:50:51.081 --> 00:50:59.310 Navigate that yeah. Yeah. I saw that question come through and I'm like, Ooh, that's a good 1, right? Because obviously there's limitations to, like. 285 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:50:59.310 --> 00:51:19.310 How much you can kind of give and try to meet people where they're at. And by the way I'm so appreciative of these comments and I want to just kind of highlight also what Kendra said. Like, I was thinking about this, thinking about, like, how I applied it, like, in my work again as the manager, but really what this talk is about is about. 286 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:51:19.310 --> 00:51:39.310 Personal communication, which applies to all of us in our work life in our family life, and our out in the world life and so, while I did use the term leader a lot, the reality is like, this is for everybody or maybe, like we said, in leader positions that we don't think of his leadership, like, in my instance, being a mom, but also like, being a girl scout troop leader or a coach, or whatever. 287 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:51:39.310 --> 00:51:51.360 What you're doing to your excellent question Kendra so I like, I'm going to get back there. These, these tactics really do work best when everyone's acting in good faith. 288 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:51:51.360 --> 00:52:01.320 Of course, I think though people sit in different places along the spectrum when it comes to working in good faith. And actually I'm gonna talk a bit about. 289 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:19.020 a strategy that loretta ross uses that i use in advocacy all the time and it's it's what she calls her ninety seventy five fifty twenty five zero percent rule and i love this i mean so thinking politically of course there's people who agree with us on like ninety percent of things and 290 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:52:19.020 --> 00:52:39.020 You know, like, this might be other librarians educators, for example, and she's like, I wouldn't spend 3rd bringing that 90% or to make them 100% or we don't have to agree on everything. That's fine. And then there's like the 75 centers where you agree on most things. Maybe you have really similar values, maybe you're working towards the same ends. So, for example. 291 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:52:39.020 --> 00:52:59.020 For that if she works on women's rights reproductive rights, and she was saying, you know, the girl scouts may not use her language, but they're all working towards women's empowerment. And so they would be a 75 per center, and then a 50%, or might be someone who uses totally different language from you, but you can try to find some areas of shared values. So, in. 292 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:52:59.020 --> 00:53:21.950 In the book banning conversation, for example, my 50 centers may not care a bit about intellectual freedom. They may not care about libraries, but maybe they care about fiscal responsibility. So, the angle I'm going to take with a 50%, or is, do we really want to waste the time and resources of our library staff on, you know, like appeasing a very small minority of patrons. 293 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:53:21.950 --> 00:53:41.950 Um, okay, getting to your good faith point and then we get to the 25 percenters and the 0 percenters, maybe at 25%, or I will spend some time with, because I don't want them being moved further to a 0% but someone who is not acting in good faith and this isn't just about agreement. It's about someone who's. 294 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:53:41.950 --> 00:53:45.330 Willing to find agreement. I don't want to spend. 295 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:53:45.330 --> 00:53:57.900 1, bit of my time trying to move a 0% or if they don't want to be moved. And so I guess my only point of saying there is a limit to these tactics. But I think the vast majority of people again. 296 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:53:57.900 --> 00:54:04.198 Do want to come to like, some kind of consensus and agreement and problem solve. 297 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:54:04.198 --> 00:54:22.610 Yeah, I like that 1 of the things that I thought would be great to have folks add into the chat was 1 of the questions that you asked is what is 1 thing you can take with you from your time in today's session that you can move forward so I'd love to see some responses in chat. 298 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:54:22.610 --> 00:54:42.610 1 thing you can take forward, and I also want to make a plug for that learner guide that you have worked on. Because I think it is such a powerful next step for people you walked through the importance of doing an activity like exploring your lenses. Right? Understanding, what are. 299 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:54:42.610 --> 00:55:02.610 Some of the main things that help to guide and influence your perspectives on the world. Um, that's a fantastic exercise. It's 1 that I've done as well and I just found it really insightful to be able to sit with that for a little bit. And what is great about the learner guide is the opportunity to be able to go through this independently. 300 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:55:02.610 --> 00:55:22.610 Right. You can really sit there and reflect what folks will also find in that learner guide are opportunities to bring learning to your colleagues. So if you want to bring something from this session, there are some activities that you can do with someone else. We know that folks often watch these. 301 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:55:22.610 --> 00:55:42.610 Dinners, um, with a group. Mm, hmm. Or watch it independently and then come back and look at, um, the learner guide together and ask some questions and kind of have a little bit of a viewing parties. So, that's something that using the learner guide can help to extend that. And I am looking now. 302 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:55:42.610 --> 00:56:02.610 Now, in the chat and just seeing some really great things that people are taking away and it's so nice to be able to be part of this and helping to improve people's a day. And I think that the idea that, um, there can be, uh, good people. And bad behavior is definitely red resonating. 303 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:56:02.610 --> 00:56:22.610 The importance of not telling someone else's story. Mm. Hmm. I think is really important giving them the opportunity to do that. And I thought about that from the perspective of when someone's telling us that something is hard are we jumping in with a response? Or are we jumping in with? Tell me more. Let me. 304 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:56:22.610 --> 00:56:28.939 What else can you tell me or acknowledging the challenge right? That they're feeling that I know that this is. 305 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:56:28.939 --> 00:56:45.410 It's hard, um, I've seen a couple people mentioned this in the chat, so I will, I will mention it as well. So I am currently running for lieutenant governor in the state of Utah on the Democratic ticket in a Republican state. I'm going to be using these good inside principles for the next 6 months, because I. 306 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:56:45.410 --> 00:56:56.280 You know, I think this is politics is the area where we really struggle, I think in library is in person that we know, like, yeah, I know it's crazy. Right? Librarians. 307 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:56:56.280 --> 00:57:16.280 Um, I don't know how this happened, but it is happening so I feel like this is going to be a great, you know, arena to really put these to the test because working in my library. Yeah. Most people are like, happy to be here easy to work with and there's some challenging people, but, or I shouldn't say they're challenging people that are challenging situations. 308 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:57:16.280 --> 00:57:22.806 But I am so curious how this is go. And so in 6 months, I'll tell you if I'm still feeling and doing all these. 309 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:57:22.806 --> 00:57:36.280 Things yeah, I think you will have lots of opportunities to practice these skills. And, uh, I think I hope that many of our participants today will also be able to take this with them and practice. 310 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:57:36.280 --> 00:57:52.770 These skills with their, with their colleagues, with their community, with their families. I mean, you know, so much of these skills can help us in in multiple aspects of our life in our multiple identities, and who we are as people. 311 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:57:52.770 --> 00:58:06.060 I want to thank everyone for joining us today Rebecca. This has been fantastic. Um, the ideas and thoughts that you've shared with us, and the next steps that you've given us through the learner guide are going to be really helpful. 312 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:58:06.060 --> 00:58:26.060 For those of you who have joined today, you will get a certificate of participation within the next week. You will also get access to the recording. You can share it with your colleagues with family. It will be freely accessible through the web junction course catalog. And you will also get a note. 313 "WebJunction Webinars" (3808063232) 00:58:26.060 --> 00:58:34.647 Vacation when that's posted later this week Thank you all very much. Thank you to Rebecca to our captioner, Tammy. I hope you all have a great rest of your day. 314 "Rebekah Cummings" (973843712) 00:58:34.647 --> 00:58:40.224 Thanks so much thanks. Everyone.